How Do I Know If I Need Therapy?
If you’re asking this question, something probably feels harder than it should. But how do you know if you should see someone, especially if it’s something you’ve never done before?
You may still be functioning — working, managing responsibilities, showing up for others — but internally you feel anxious, flat, overwhelmed, or stuck. As we’ve talked about in our blog post Is Anxiety Normal During Pregnancy? , it’s very common to experience psychological changes during pregnancy.
Alternatively, you might have found pregnancy to be a time where you become more motivated to do certain things - to finally understand why you do things a certain way or to gain support in achieving a particular goal. This blog pertains more to those who are unsure whether they need it to support mental wellness, but if you want to go to therapy for better self-understanding or help with goals that’s also a great reason.
So, how do you know when it’s time to see a therapist?
1. Your symptoms are persistent
Occasional stress is a normal part of life and in manageable amounts it can sometimes even be a good thing; no one is expected to live in a constant state of contented bliss. However persistent high levels of stress or emotional difficulties (i.e. anxiety, low mood, overwhelm, etc.) are different.
Some questions to encourage you to gauge where you’re currently at:
Is your anxiety present most days? Everyday?
Has your mood been persistently low for more than two weeks
Do you feel emotionally flat, irritable, or disconnected from your pregnancy (if not pregnant, disconnected from things in life that usually bring you joy e.g. hobbies, relationships, etc).
Do your thoughts feel repetitive or intrusive
Often periods of feeling low will naturally pass on their own, but if what you’re experiencing is persistent then this is worth noticing.
2. It’s affecting your functioning
An important question is impact.
Is your sleep disrupted?
Is work or study suffering?
Are your relationships strained?
Are you avoiding situations due to anxiety?
Do you feel unlike yourself?
When distress starts interfering with how you function or how you show up in daily life, therapy is often an appropriate step.
3. You’re navigating a major transition
Life changes increase vulnerability to anxiety and depression — especially pregnancy, new parenthood, health diagnoses, or relationship changes.
Pregnancy in particular can intensify existing patterns of worry or low mood, or bring on new ones. If emotional symptoms feel stronger than expected, speaking with a psychologist can be protective and preventative, not dramatic.
When Should You Definitely See a Therapist?
We strongly recommend that you prioritise professional help if you experience:
Thoughts of self-harm
Thoughts of harming your baby or others
Severe panic
Inability to carry out daily responsibilities
In these cases, direct support is important and booking in to see your GP or a trusted healthcare professional is the best first step. In New Zealand you can also call Lifeline on 0800 543 354 for free mental health support and counselling.
When Might Self-Guided Strategies Be Enough?
Not everyone needs therapy immediately, and not everyone is able to access it.
Structured self-help can be a good starting point if:
Symptoms are mild to moderate
You’re still functioning day-to-day
You want practical tools before committing to therapy
You’re unsure whether your experience is “serious enough”
This is why we have designed our Emotions, Mental Wellness and Pregnancy workbook to provide you with a starting point. This is an educational resource designed to help you understand some of the common psychological challenges experienced in pregnancy such as anxiety and low mood, while providing you with simple and easy to use tools to build your own coping strategies.
Importantly, our resources do not replace therapy and if you feel like you would like to talk to someone we definitely encourage you to do so.
So now what?
If you’re still unsure, that’s ok. It can be hard to decide and a big step for many reasons. Here at The Nest we have a range of free resources available that might be a place to start - these are all tools that we use in real life therapy, so could give you a taste of what to expect (or check out blog post coming soon - You’ve Booked Into Therapy - What Should You Expect?). Or perhaps you can find someone in your own life who you trust and can be open with to talk this through with them.
If we could leave you with one piece of advice about deciding to engage in therapy or not, it would be to trust that booking in for an appointment to see if its what you want is absolutely ok - your therapist won’t mind, and will be able to help guide you further. You don’t need to be ‘bad enough’ to see someone, and its not dramatic - it can be an incredibly proactive and assertive choice to help you build your own mental coping strategies and support your wellbeing.